time to sit down and think*

知命未

2011-02-21T14:16:00.000-08:00

只知先天有缺從小到大每遇到不如意事
總會毫不遲疑地想︰這不是我的錯吧
總覺得出錯有誤的事都不在自己能力範圍內
即使是由一己不足而生的錯失
也會安慰說
唉、是自己先天不足定力有限
縱然表面上沒有推卸責任
但細想一下其實也沒有心甘情願的去接受錯失
說到底也是在編造藉口跟只會砌辭狡辯的王八蛋不相伯仲

雖然從百態中看到人類的能力是絕對的有限
自古人也因此而生出不同宗教信仰
但這些都被我變本加厲的誤用了
常指出自己先天條件如何不濟有限
用以作為問題的源頭、妥協去作出進一步的改善
這樣天生的賴皮性格才真是根深柢固的不足

年紀也不輕了是時候老實地做回個凡人吧

22

2010-12-16T18:29:00.000-08:00

Conversation I had with Dr.C during work today.
True story that is one apparently would willingly trade everything he owns to go back to 22. Not younger not older, right on 22, the age of me.
Afterwards my

Then there went 3 hours of brainstorm in my head - I may be standing there and sterilizing or whatnot, in my head I was actually pushing myself to make big glamorous changes until its too late.
Or maybe I was just psyching myself out - I knew this is the age of "optimum opportunity" - that your life is all out there awaiting to be explored, goals to be accomplished, leading a life you want for yourself but not your kids and other commitments. In short - you are still legit to be selfish.

In exactly 6 months time I will be turning into 23. I can't say I feel more or less strongly about how ready I really am for this. All I know is I've got to live up to what I feel deserving for my life and my loved ones - that applies to my future loves (given the luck) as well. I want to be responsible to them. My mother, my grandpa and those who have lend me a hand and shed me light along my pathway thus far.

May be it's my background or my genes, I never, for a second, feel confident about myself. Growing up in the kind of family I have, going to conventional HKG schools, I never found confidence in or out on my skin. I like to talk lot and opine strongly about my views and how I think where values should lie, I may occasionally leave people with an impression as a confident smart girl with sharp views and so on. But deep down, I know I only talk so much just so that I can be viewed as an outgoing optimistic aspiring person. I want to be seen as someone with confidence and intelligence. And for the most part, I want people to talk to me so I can avoid feeling lonely. I hate loneliness. I hate odd numbers. I remember growing up I always want to keep seeing things paired up. Yet now I am choosing to be single. I tell myself that's my decision and how its part of my plan to be alone. I am single just cos I've chosen to be. But who knows deep down I know I have fear on what difference it can really make even if I decided not to be. I may still be abandoned and be alone.

I am not complaining since I know life can be much worse. Having the chances I have been given are many peoples dream.

Sorry for being so sensational and pessimistic. Humanity's desire is insatiable as always.
All I know is life is still open - up to me to paint my piece and put the colours on.
As oppose to standing in front of this giant piece of paper and no doing about it, I know I can start painting some real long lasting colours on.

Not only that, I will try not to be 100 steps ahead and worry about whether or not the graphics will match the frames. Lastly, who said my paintings has to be framed?

Power of GTD

2010-07-12T13:49:00.001-07:00

I want to get things done.
sick of facing the limitless planning but also postponing time to get actions taken.

Back from a coach road trip to PEI east coast canada
5 provinces, 10 cities in 7 days. Don't fun for the tummy and neck and butt consider meals and meals of chinese buffet and 5 hours on the road right after.
Never again.

but I was lucky to be exposed at a different culture under unexpected circumstances.
I am glad to be there to learn. more about thyself.

Taking the lead

2010-05-31T09:03:00.000-07:00

很不喜歡現在的自己

快廿二歲了

還有得救嗎?

不要怪我過份自負

我是個這麼的成長的小孩

沒有一刻
奢望過可以做個光芒四射的主角

又, 可會有人明白我呢

Me-self-ish

2010-04-02T19:08:00.000-07:00

I couldn't help but wonder.. how much time within a day that I can sit down and worry about my life?
Any particular moment that I am not living to serve and please the others?
Not that I want to be a self-centered ignorant person
but wouldn't it be nice if I start treating myself bit nicer?

Nothing is too late to happen
Dream Big and Make it real.

Confession of workaholics

2009-10-19T18:53:00.000-07:00

Good morning Toronto: up @645am

(note: susequently took a long nap from 4-7p) =D

Let's get going fellow workaholics!!

Crazy week ahead-no holidays in 8 days

Monday

Lab Safety Meeting - 8-9

Work @ Nutri -10-1p

ENV response essay - midnight

Tues

class 9-12

Work @ Nutri -1-3p

Wed

ENV assignment Due

Work @ Nutri -9-11a

Cooking Class-5-9p

Thur

Dental Work-2-630p

Fri

Work @ Nutri- 12-3

Screamers:Halloween Outings

Sat

Dundas Dental 10-5

Sun

Dental 10-5

2009-08-24T19:57:00.000-07:00

So here it is. Autumn time again.

Suddenly I miss the heat wave - times when I suffered from the 34degrees indoor that forced me ran to the library to read even after exam times. just like one of those 社署避暑中心
and now all of a sudden its 17degrees again. Just like HK's winter climate. 2 more weeks before school... grasple the very last bit of holiday! yesterday I watched 2 movies in a row - Inglorious Bastards by the reknowned Quentin Tarantino..and the District 9 - the latter one really came as a shock to me - as being told - never read any reviews of District 9 before entering the theatre. But that kind of documentary-esque shooting style really caught me there - I could barely withstand that handheld or security cameras flashing style at all. Luckily it didn't stay long in that way. So make sure you don't stuff yourself too much otherwise you might get sick easily. it was overall a very unique movie and gets your brain going. other than that, the bloody explosive angle might be a little bit too strong but there is no argue that guys loved it. Go watch it! =)

Just another week

2009-06-16T20:00:00.000-07:00

As previously spotted by my friends - I am a very pessimistic person. I constantly take things negatively. Like a centre of hurricane, I draw whichever things happening, or sometimes not even personal incidents, very negatively.
Like now - waiting for my friend's arrival - hosting her
which shud b all good right?

but ever since one single thing falls out of my plan
everything else seems to be the other way round.
having no job - the whole travelling plan is now seemingly a burden to me
I felt as if I am going to burn mami's cash irresponsibly.
I am gonna b 21 - time for me to wake up - no one is born to be have absolute control of everything. so here I am using my time wisely (or at least trying not to sit, eat and shit)

thanks to the Restaurant City - I believe the obsession was one of the reasons which killed my Laptop - working too hard thesedays ... >^< my head was completely blank when the screen suddenly turned blue while I had RC and watching 康熙Loi Liu.. and lots more program running of cos.

But its a 4 year old 40GB 256 RAM thinkpad which used to be packed in my suitcases when traveling with me. I will miss you.

time killer #1 - 亦舒
a born to be non book reader michelle had completed 6 books in the previous week.

time killer #2 - Biking!! I survived after riding to chinatown, school library and sports centre.
but there was one unfortunate silly accident.. but anyways biking is fun! as a new learner like me it was difficult to imagine myself riding on the roads after my 5 day lessons
lucky i "landed" on the sidewalk only with one knee injured nothing serious ^^
be positive positive ^u^

Happy b day Gemini gals...

April time yoyoyo

2009-04-03T08:41:00.000-07:00

881 drama prodcution retreat - sleepless weekend 28-29.3.2009 @ Blue Mt. Ski Resort

Utterly hectic March has already gone. It's the last week of school ahead of me.
I am so excited bout that. Been thru and go way beyond what I was like last year. I am glad I overcome certain ups, and downs of cos. I need to get out of my little girl shelter - might have always seemed to be strong and determined, hm. not quite the case but I will make it true in reality.
Banquet - Mad fun weekend 27.3.09

coming across with faces that I won't necessarily recognise nor to be remembered
way back in Feb - crazily stocking up cereals - miraculously slowed down on the consumption tho! simply too bc to snack on them
frds coming over at my work place. Check out my *uniform haha..

ytd got asked if I would feel lonely and homesick for staying away from home for the entire summer
never got a chance to critise myself on that - once i have made up my mind, i seldom look back and question myself. it's simply not worth thinking about. I am for the first time feeling excited abt all the summer plans, not feeling depressinly missing HK, and I will make sure such thot will never come back to me. I am 20 turning 21 this yr. com'on there is a hell lot more you can see around this world than fish balls, crazy sales and food. one might miss their frds and families, but I am pretty sure one can still be just as connected no matter where they are.
All BS? I mean, may be I am just coldblooded, admittedly at least to certain things and ppl.

我的願望

2009-03-22T09:02:00.001-07:00

這陣子想通了很多事情

每每完成了一件大項目從前的我就會放縱自己看電視看新聞八卦唉反正都是很不切實際的事

一個接一個的測驗考試essay 一浪又一浪之後的到底自己又是在追求等待期盼甚麼呢?

同學到經常說很想快點畢業很想脫離這所university of hell

我絕對明白大家想盡快脫出的原因上年的我可是度日如年上年三月份我的大概是craving for Hong Kong Homesick 到不得了

但待你好不容易畢業回顧從這樣得過且過的日子你又會學到甚麼呢

要是阿拉丁給你願望要甚麼呢要發達? 要快點畢業? 要做影帝?

不對不對

應該說成 要用金錢來做甚麼?

快點畢業又怎樣? 仍舊是一個乳臭未乾的黃毛小子又有甚麼用?

不是要去追求做影帝, 而應該想拍一部怎樣的電影去做影帝.

才不想再過空白的日子如果每天只求把assignment 寫好把測驗考好

那我跟一台影印機有甚麼差

讀書不是人生的全部 可能UT真的比不上其他大學的MENTOR TUTOR SYSTEM

獨立到不得了一個個獨立個體去成百成千的課堂上課

有時候真的令人十分迷失自己辛苦拿到個70分

總會看到身邊有個天才輕鬆拿個4.0

但這年我的確學到了怎去面對自己

對自己誠實是很重要的事

暑假的計劃-VER2.0

決定了不會讀一直讀SUMMER SCHOOL. 應只會在七月至八月念個FRENCH BEGINNER

五至六月就可以安心的打工賺錢 à迎接好友造訪 à學舞 à學CLARINET /OBOE à學費

很多開支!! 可幸的是已經開始了一份PART TIME"重操故業" WAITRESSING =)

對比以前的老闆, 這個TABLE SETTING 的要求明顯地低很多

不過第一天上班就要TAKE ORDER 接外賣單壓力也滿大的

遲些考完試就會有多點時間TAKE UP多一份了 =D

上星期忙碌過後、被釋放後第一件做的事應該是自己最想做的事吧

結果我想也沒想就跑去游泳很爽

答應自己要保持下去反正做運動真的會上癮的

人人都有願望吧如周星生有名的對白 "沒有夢想的人, 跟咸魚又有甚麼分別呢? "

可。可愛

2009-03-19T20:56:00.001-07:00

真的只好用上一層又一層的化妝品才可以表達最美的自己嗎??

做過運動滿足的快樂素顏

女主角之一 Sadly couldn't get to do another fan photo with other cast =(

不想每天發生的事物, 所發生的事一閃即逝

說到底, 可能只是不要做個一閃即逝的人吧

沒有人希望自己會被世界遺忘吧 – 我想這應該是個可以長註的家了

至少我可以把所想說出來吧

***

剛過了很忙很充實的日子

這個三月很有意思

學到的實在太多了

有幸躋身於一個舞台劇幫忙

沒有出很多力…不過可以認識到一大群平時絕不會有機會認識到的朋友

無論如何, 我覺得我只是一個有幸由rehearsal 開始參與, 見證的小觀眾而已

很喜歡被叫學姊的感覺嘻嘻

大家的專業水準感染到我了…

骨子是徹徹底底的演員

學生只是他們的副業

他們的生活多采多姿看似得來輕易

但其實漂亮臉蛋下可也是有努力付出

我要學她們…不是要去選美…/-_- - ---

而是要好好的過真正充實的生活! 做個有內涵可可愛的女子!!

捷徑 = 最快 ?

2009-03-16T08:26:00.001-07:00

有一個小職員因為要參加一個關乎能否升職的會議，所以一定不能遲到。誰不知鬧鐘在這個時候壞掉，還有三十分鐘會議便要開始，小職員心急如焚地跑去撘的士。
坐上了的士後他就對司機說﹕「司機大佬，我非常趕時間，請你行最快的一條路吧﹗」司機一聲不發、踩著油門就走。不一會，小職員發覺司機根本沒有行最快的一條路，他心想「無良司機在這個時候還兜路﹖﹗」之後更破口大罵﹕「我叫你行最快的路，你到底行了去那﹖﹗」
司機先生氣定神閒地答﹕「先生﹗請你看看你所說的那條路…」一望之下，小職員立刻定了睛，因為他所說的那條捷徑，條車龍排到連龍尾都看不見呢﹗司機先生續說 ﹕「先生，我知道你趕時間才專登兜路，那條路雖然路程較短，但這個時間必定塞得利害，現在雖然路行多了，但這才是最快到達的路線吧﹗」最後小職員下車後能趕及開那個重要的會議，還升了做部門主任。
每個人都想要走捷徑，付出少收穫多。但要知道捷徑路雖然短，但未必是最快的，「一分耕耘，一分收穫」所以人生該選擇一條正確的路，腳踏實地去行每一步。

NY08/09

2009-01-16T08:23:00.000-08:00

很感恩的旅行從沒有想過大家會這樣的開心世界難求的travelling buddy'你身上學到很多東西呢十分的organised caring一級一等一的好女子錫哂你天天替一個唯恐買不到戰利品的我抓緊時間由早行到晚又帶我去吃盡紐約美食對不起呢害你"錦上添花" 再過度shopping 但你仍會有滿足的戰後笑容就okay吧始終你是個高gpa 高efficiency 但早上又要返part time 重點是完成下年的internship就可成為營養師了真正的superwoman好似簡單容易滿足的人果然很快就到達目標所以你的過度shopping條件當然比我高也更valid shopping 金句有 1. 婁次出現的k: 唉…唉…都係算啦… 買左先啦我: ……2. 嘩 MJ 個野成set都係70咋唔岩買黎"揨(0訂)"都抵啦3. 嘩呢個細tote都成千蚊?!咁呢個大既點算呀?? 一直也不知道和你其實思想是如此的接近好幾次出現"are u reading my mind?"的驚訝心情大家都成長了兩個nutrition的人話題永不離開食食食但不代表會不吃junk food可以犧牲一天的saturated fat只吃世上#1的ny cheesecake 晚晚回到家積極的plan下一天如何利用時間又害你差點miss了scholarship的application... 從沒有怨言伸出冷冰冰的手去幫我狂拍照去完一個又一個newyorker看膩的tourist points 你影我影野丫你影我影你? 你身上可學到的東西太多了多謝

2009-01-10T08:21:00.000-08:00

2009 過了十天才恍然大悟要回顧前瞻

是否有點遲呢？管他的

2008年

我自評為頗失敗的一年

讀書 – 不過不失 – 死記硬背考試遊戲個別運氣好壞不是重點

而是到底我知道自己在讀甚麼嗎?

到底有了解書本上的對自身對社會有甚麼關係嗎?

沒有花費力氣去想所以其實腦袋是廢了

感情 – 很失敗完全徹底的幼稚

千個萬個的對不起

也比不上好好的, 戴上一只手錶向著一個方向走下去

因為貪圖個甚麼手握兩只手錶只會令人不知真正時間是甚麼

一直相信自己的手錶上的時間

心思思看到別的時間只會令自己動搖

友誼 – 還可以

託賴各方好友

這種手錶我卻不怕多擁有幾枚

2009 在紐約過

到了人生第二十一個年頭

可幸的

我依然很是被愛的一小拙人

有很多天使在身邊化作真實個案 “人版”

依舊的比上不足比下有餘

我要令自己脫離比上很不足的一群

做個有用腦不要白白的過日子

再到2009年回顧時

我要會心微笑的寫下值得自豪的事

那怕已是年終又如何　最重要是我知道該如何走下去

頭條新聞

2008-12-16T08:28:00.000-08:00

從考試時期開始
已經在追看其革新版
多年沒有看此節目了
小時候星期六最愛開的節目之一
當然
那時只會看小超人出位易明的環節
現在對整個節目內多位主持人不同的詮釋有多些了解
十分喜愛主持人的風格
新版超人的超現實報導更加正
一人分飾多角的他更身兼主播
連無記主播呂秉權都不放過
化身記者[丙權] 連神情態度也要有學到
最搞笑的是要重提某主播on show時吃飯但出現技術性問題被鏡頭拍到的事

可以在香港準時收看的你們看看也不錯呢
當然除此之外港台還有很多金牌節目
都十分合我心意
比起無記少了商業味少了那份看膩人的慣性鋪排

Reading week

2008-02-17T11:43:00.000-08:00

一年一度的reading week 終於來到了.
把這個思想上仍是"岩岩係香港過完christmas"的我召回來了
對
又過多大半
很快就會收到一個gpa
很快就知自己常常掛在嘴邊的programme會否收錄我了
但自以為事的我
開學以今
憑著
"我有讀further maths"這事實
cal的assignment一次也沒做過
算啦
過去不重要
要急起直追了喇!
=)

大家也是喔
好好利用readinweek吧

如沒有的話..
也要好好利用空餘時間
把玩樂的心情
略微撥到去暑假那邊吧!

哎呀
剛剛那個撥字
實在廢了我良久才想到....
中文水平
實在十分水皮

=__________=

在u t的社交圈子實丸在太小了
下一年我又要搬離res...
要加油加油呢

其實
我很想去的

其實
cost只是一個藉口

FIRST POST

2008-02-16T22:17:00.000-08:00

I need a place that I can speak my mind out.
I guess this is the right place huh?

I think I have grown up quite a lot. Altho it's still not the person that I wanna be deep down in my heart, I am getting closer and closer, stronger and stronger day by day
=) I will get there soon

The day will come.
I will wait and see.